Signs of Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential for our health, well-being, and even our safety. Setting healthy boundaries with others is empowering! By setting healthy limits with ourselves and others, we demonstrate self-respect, build self-esteem, and enjoy healthy relationships. Setting healthy boundaries is like building a fence around our property - It communicates "Please stay out, unless I let you in."

Here are some examples of healthy boundaries:

  • Practicing appropriate trust - Not divulging personal information to strangers or people you barely know.

  • Revealing information about yourself a little at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing.

  • Putting a potential relationship on slow motion until you check for compatibility.

  • Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for your mind, body, and soul before moving forward.

  • Being sexual only when there is mutual consent - concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than doing things you don't enjoy or want to do in order to please your partner.

  • Maintaining personal values despite what others want/think.

  • Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

  • Noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

  • Saying "no" or "no, thank you" to food, gifts, touch, invitations, or requests you aren't interested in.

  • Asking a person before touching them. Letting others know when you don't want to be touched.

  • Having respect for others time and energy.

  • Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity.

  • Trusting your own decisions.

  • Trusting your intuition.

  • Clearly communicating your wants and needs (and recognizing that you might be turned down).

  • Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind-readers.

  • Talking to yourself with gentleness, love, and respect.

What healthy boundaries might sound like:

  • "I can hear that's important to you, but I can't help you with that."

  • "This isn't something I feel comfortable with doing."

  • "I'm afraid I can't say yes this time."

  • "I can understand that you're angry, but I won't be yelled at."

  • "Please don't text me about emotional issues. Here is my number if you want to have a conversation."

  • "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you."

  • "No."

  • "Stop."

  • "Please don't contact me anymore."

  • "Please text me before your call."

  • "Please don't come over without checking with me first."

  • "Please knock before you come in."

  • "Please don't call me names."

  • "That won't work for me."

  • "Please don't tell me how to think or feel. That's not helpful to me."


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